Baseball Players Need To Sack The Fuck Up

May 9, 2008

Yesterday during the Yankees pre-game show, Michael Kay asked manager Joe Girardi about the foofaraw surrounding phenom pitcher Joba Chamberlain’s habit of fist pumping when he strikes out a batter. For those that don’t give a flying fuck about the Yankees, or even about baseball, the context here is that baseball players are very, very concerned about being “shown up” by opposing players. So a bunch of whiny-ass fucknozzle batters who have been struck out by Chamberlain have complained that his fist-pumping is “showing them up”, and he better stop it because he is TOTALLY RUINING THE DIGNITY OF THE GAME OF BASEBALL!!!!1!111!!11!!TWELVETY!1!!!!1!!!!!1

Girardi’s answer—while technically correct—shows you how ridiculous these pampered baby-ass baseball players really are. According to Girardi’s analysis, Chamberlain’s fist-pumping is absolutely fine, because when he does it he is looking into the Yankees’ dugout, and not at the batter he just struck out, or at the oppposing team’s dugout. This means that he is not “showing up” the opposing batter or team, but rather is simply “celebrating” with his teammates.

In the context of absurd wackadoodle semiotics of athletic celebratory fist-pumping, this analysis is definitely correct. But the fact that it even needs to be engaged is totally fucking pathetic.

If you don’t want to get “shown up” by Chamberlain, don’t let him strike you the fuck out! And for fuck’s sake, don’t be such a sensitive soul that it hurts your baby-ass feelings that an enthusiastic kid pumps his fucking fist at you after striking your overpaid whiny-ass the fuck out!

(And let’s not even get into the fact that plenty of other pitchers do the same exact fucking thing—including lame-ass Red Sox closer Jonathon Papelbon—without comment, and the only reason Chamberlain is TOTALLY RUINING THE DIGNITY OF BASEBALL!!11!!!!!11! is because he is a New York Yankee.)

9 Responses to “Baseball Players Need To Sack The Fuck Up”

  1. Michael Says:

    TWELVETY!!!!


  2. The natural corollary to banning fist-pumping would also be to ban the fielders from pointing heavenward every time they nab a tricky short hop. If the poor widdle batter feels bad when the pitcher pumps his fist, how the heck can he recover from learning that God is rooting for the opposing team?

    Of course the AL pitchers are immune from watching the opposing team pitcher cheer after their own miserable display at the plate because of the good old DH. That’s why they feel safe being such asswipes to begin with.


  3. PP,
    —“If you don’t want to get “shown up” by Chamberlain, don’t let him strike you the fuck out!”—That pretty much sums it up.

    Dr.J,
    I totally agree, esp. about the DH letting AL pitchers be asswipes—and I’m going to take this opportunity to shamelessly plug my take on it…

    http://yacketyyakia.blogspot.com/2008/04/theres-docket-on-rocket.html

  4. larue Says:

    I played ball. I was all over it, from 9-15, and then 18-22.
    I was a catcher.

    I LOVED being the catcher. He’s the boss. And the nanny. ;-)

    At all ages, as teams advanced, I faced guys bigger and faster and meaner than me.

    At times, even 18-22, I was the ONLY guy on the team who showed no fear, rode the jockey bench with pride and VERVE, and talked shit behind the plate to every hitter.

    When in the batters box, I let the big guys KNOW I wasn’t afraid of them. Verbally. Directly. Umps never stopped me, for the most part, less they were for the opposing team.

    I’d challenge them BIG DOGS to hit me if they didn’t like my shit, just so I could get on the 1 bag, and show my team what a bunch of wussies they were cuz they were so afraid.

    Course, I never faced 90mph or 100mph pitching. Either. *G*

    But that’s my point.

    Get some fuckin balls boys, it’s sports, and if you lack balls, you mightas well be crocheting jockey straps.

    The pro’s? Fuckin wusses. Gimme someone who talks shit, pumps their fists, and gets their uniform dirty like Billy Martin, or Gallopin Al Gallagher, of the Gyros long ago.

    Spits. Grabs cup and adjusts it, knocks shit outta spikes with bat, digs in, and hugs the plate darin pitch to BRING IT you fuck, BRING IT!!!

    “I can hit any pitcher in this here man’s league. (spits)”

    -Rookie 2nd Baseman, Kid From Tomkinsville
    (Kid was center, HiPockets McDade was right. Razzle Nugent was pitch. There were 4 books I had, forget other players)

    *G*

    Harumph.

  5. Narya Says:

    OTOH, I am so VERY tired of on-field celebrations by athletes. The jumping up and down when a football player makes a tackle, or a baseball player hits a homerun (or strikes someone out), lordy, people, all you are doing is your JOB. I don’t prance around my office, fist pumping, when I send a memo, you know? Act like you’ve been there before and expect to be there again.

  6. drugmonkey Says:

    easy there Narya. rumour has it physioprof prances around his office, fist pumping like a demented fucking wackaloon when his peeps bring him the latest great results….

  7. juniorprof Says:

    rumour has it physioprof prances around his office, fist pumping like a demented fucking wackaloon when his peeps bring him the latest great results….

    Don’t worry PP, I do that shit too.

  8. Sven DiMilo Says:

    The jumping up and down when a football player makes a tackle
    You should perhaps consider the possible, uh, pharmacological correlates of such behavior…

  9. joe Says:

    i was playing mlb on wii the baseball players were fuckin shit bs fuuuuuck you


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