News Flash! Democrats Are Nerdy Geeks And Republicans Are Manly Jocks
May 24, 2008
I am loath to comment on or link to the New York Times, which has sold its soul to the worst of the worst sick-fuck neo-feudal imperialist elements of the corporate oligarchy. However, in looking for something sufficiently enraging to muster up a blog post, I stumbled upon David “Bobo” Brooks’s latest puddle of projectile vomit, and figured “FUCK IT!”
Hard though it may be to believe for those that are still laboring under the delusion that the New York Times operates under any journalistic and editorial standards whatsoever, Brooks’s Friday column is all about the staggeringly novel brand-fucking-new never-before-imagined deep insight that Democrats like Barack Obama are nerdy geeks and Republicans like George Bush are manly jocks. If you have the stomach for it, exegesis (i.e. picking through the vomit for indentifiable chunks of food) can be found below the fold.
The word [nerd] described a high-school or college outcast who was persecuted by the jocks, preps, frat boys and sorority sisters.
Holy shit! No fucking wai! Really!? I totally didn’t know that! This is going to come as a major revelation to many of the readers of the New York Times, who, like me, totally had no idea what the word nerd meant.
The future historians of the nerd ascendancy will likely note that the great empowerment phase began in the 1980s with the rise of Microsoft and the digital economy. Nerds began making large amounts of money and acquired economic credibility, the seedbed of social prestige. The information revolution produced a parade of highly confident nerd moguls — Bill Gates and Paul Allen, Larry Page and Sergey Brin and so on.
Whoah! You mean some nerds were, like, smart and shit, and actually made a bunch of money and shit!?!? Holy fuck! Who knew!?
A nerd was still socially tainted, but geekdom acquired its own cool counterculture. A geek possessed a certain passion for specialized knowledge, but also a high degree of cultural awareness and poise that a nerd lacked.
Wow! This is some seriously fascinating shit! There are, like, different kinds of wimpy-ass wimps, who are totally not like manly jocks, but in different ways? Geeks and nerds are different species of wimp-ass countercultural non-manly-jockaloon wimpasauruses!
If Holden Caulfield was the sensitive loner from the age of nerd oppression, then Harry Potter was the magical leader in the age of geek empowerment.
Wow! That is, like, so totally true! Wealthy wimp-ass non-manly-jockaloon wimpaloons no longer are just like nerd-ass Holden Caulfield, and are now totally like geek-ass Harry Potter!
The jock can shine on the football field, but the geeks can display their supple sensibilities and well-modulated emotions on their Facebook pages, blogs, text messages and Twitter feeds. Now there are armies of designers, researchers, media mavens and other cultural producers with a talent for whimsical self-mockery, arcane social references and late-night analysis.
Fuck yeah!! Jocks shine on the football field! Geeks display supple sensibilities and well-modulated emotions!! Those fucking smart-ass wimp-ass wimpadoodle geekanerdaloon whimsical maven arcane mockeroons! And they stay up late at night and engage in…analysis!
There are armies of wimpazonker non-manly researchers and designers and cultural producers that are totally not-manly not-jocky not-footbally and they are coming to get us! AAAAHHHAHAHAHHA! ZOMFG!
They’ve created a new definition of what it means to be cool, a definition that leaves out the talents of the jocks, the M.B.A.-types and the less educated.
These wimp-ass motherfucking nerdaloon geekadoodle researcher designer arcane maven motherfuckers hate the manly footbally jocketyjocky football field jocks, MBA-types, and they want to LEAVE THEM OUT!!!11!! AHAHAAAAHAHAH!!
There are now millions of educated-class types guided by geek manners and status rules.
Those fucking educated-class type arcane effete geeky-ass wimpaloon bastards! They are so lame, trying to act like they are cool, when it’s really the manly-man-man-men football jockaloon MBA football field less-educated manly field football jock jockety-jock manly football field men who are really teh cool!
Barack Obama has become the Prince Caspian of the iPhone hordes.
Barack Obama is the leader of the hordes of wimp-ass wimpaloon geekanerdadoodle non-manly non-footballfieldy non-jockajockajockety effete researcher designer arcane cultural whimsically self-mocking blog-writing cultural producers who stay up late at night to engage in wimpawimpy analysis and to LEAVE OUT the manly MBA footballfieldy manlymanlymanly men and to STEAL TEH COOL!!11!!11! Barack Obama is exactly like a combination of Holden Caulfield and Harry Potter!!!11!!!TWELVETY!!111!!