Response From Dunkin Donuts To Skippy

June 4, 2008

If you’ve been alive for the past week, you’ve heard about the Rachael Ray jihadi scarf incident. So Skippy The Bush Kangaroo wrote to Dunkin Donuts to complain that they pulled the Rachael Ray ad in response to the insane wackaloon bleating of demented nutjobs like Michelle Malkin and her hordes of gibbering goofaloons. In response he received the following:

thank you for sharing your comments. we always appreciate hearing from our customers. the intent of the online ad featuring rachael ray wearing a paisley silk scarf was to promote iced coffee. given the surprising and truly unfortunate interpretation of this ad from some of our consumers, we decided to pull the ad and replace it with another as it is no longer serving its intended purpose, which was to simply promote our iced coffee—nothing more, nothing less.

at dunkin’ donuts, we value all of our customers and remain steadfastly committed to making your experiences with us both memorable and pleasant. thank you, again, for making us aware of your concerns; it is appreciated.

Below the fold is what they would have responded with if they were honest.

Dear Mr. Kangaroo:

Look, we know as well as you do that what Ms. Ray’s wearing is just a goddamn paisley scarf from fucking Target. But a lot of right-wing demented fucking neo-con wackaloons are convinced it’s some kind of secret pro-jihad propaganda. And these wacked out freaks buy a lotta fucking coffee, and creme-filled donuts. I mean, you’ve seen Jonah “Doughy Pantload” Goldberg, right? So you know where were coming from, right?

So, anyway, we’re really sorry, but we pulled the ad so these fucking delusional right-wing assholes would leave us alone. Besides, we know left-wing fuckers like you go to Starbucks anyway, so go fuck off. We cater to our customers, even if they’re completely fucking out of their minds.

Sincerely,

Dunkin Q. Donutte, III

Director of Customer Satisfaction

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7 Responses to “Response From Dunkin Donuts To Skippy”

  1. littlem Says:

    See, that’s what you macho guys get for mocking us for reading the fashion pages. We knew about this some time ago.

    OTOH,

    “insane wackaloon bleating of demented nutjobs like Michelle Malkin and her hordes of gibbering goofaloons”

    has been added to the Pantheon of Quotable Excellence.

  2. thomas Says:

    Dude!

    I think I’m dead…

    Now, I’m going to have to try and run a code on myself!

  3. julia Says:

    or maybe it’s just that Dunkin Donuts is owned by Bain Capital and the Carlyle Group and they’d really prefer not to have this go further and link their product with Bush Sr. and Romney?


  4. I think right-wingers thrive on seeking out some subconscious pro-jihad statement in America. It’s like a drug for them.

  5. Gordon Says:

    Well done!

  6. littlem Says:

    NBW –

    I think right-wingers thrive on seeking out some subconscious pro-jihad statement in America. It’s like a drug for them.

    There have been some studies about how negative external stimuli affect some people who are prone to depression (right-wing women, perhaps?), lack of anger management skills (right-wing men?), and other dysfunctions. The negative stimuli generate chemicals that purport to redress these folks’ neurotransmitter imbalances, but that really don’t. (It’s like any potentially addictive substance hitting the beta receptors of an addict, but then next time the beta receptors just need mo’ drug.)

    So that little theorette of yours might not be as far-fetched as you might think.

  7. Lemur Says:

    Or… Rachel Ray is an Israeli spy, Double-Agent style! Bringing down the American Eagle in order to make him one of her 30-Minute Meals! And Dunkin’ Donuts is trying to aid her mission to subconsciously brainwash our children with cold coffee!
    Yeah, see, I knew it all along.


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