Theology (UPDATED)

April 9, 2009

Would it have been enough had god not even brought us out of Egypt? Or instead of dayenu would we have been all like, “Fuck you god, you left us here as slaves in motherfucking Egypt you fucking asshole”?

UPDATE: A dear friend of the blog has pointed out that this would dramatically shorten the seder:

(Raise cup of shitty wine.)

Fuck you, god!

(Chug eleventeenth cup of shitty wine.)

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7 Responses to “Theology (UPDATED)”


  1. Why are there no balls in my soup?

    Why is this bread not thinner, crispier and with a lot of little holes?

    Where’s the fucking horseradish?!

  2. LostMarbles Says:

    Fuck! I was completely confused before the update. I had forgotten it’s that time of year. That means that in a week, I can indulge in reduced price matzah with nutella. I have no shame in admitting that every since I turned 8 that’s all passover means to me.


  3. I can’t speak for other Jewish families, but mine consists of some seriously whiney, self-centered people (you know, the whole “it’s not fair, I deserve better” type people). Of course, they are family, so I love them… but sitting around Seder as a kid, I always found it really ironic as all these people were saying it would have been enough. It’s never enough!

    I am copying and pasting your posting to my MIL. She would get quite a kick out of it. And love the idea of a short seder.

  4. Catharine Zivkovic Says:

    Our fifteen year old son (David) boycotted our Seder this year. He doesn’t think being an atheist and being Jewish are compatible. We’re very proud of him.


  5. I was proud of David as well but I didn’t get to see him to shake his hand.

    I’ve gotta say that my participation (together with Catharine’s great taste) helped raise the quality of the wine – we drank the Israeli cabernet sauvignon, shiraz, and syrah, and left the motherfucking Manischewitz for Elijah!

  6. bikemonkey Says:

    you people are crazy, syrupy wines are the schewitz!

    (and yeah, I just coined that motherfucker and Imma keep on using it)


  7. We usually have a bottle of Manischewitz around that the better half’s great uncle gives us. We often try to offload it to grad students we know who are Sedering and/or desperate for alcohol no matter what the sugar content.

    It’s the circle of life.

    But I do like my muppethugging vegetarian matzoh ball soup.


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