Guest Post By MonkeyPox On Depraved Right-Wing Religious Fuckwads

July 1, 2009

It shouldn’t come as any surprise that the US lives on a razor’s edge between democracy and theocracy.  There may be atheists in foxholes, but in the Congress, you’d better at least say you believe.  This is true for private life as well.  If I tell people at work that I’m an atheist they “move away from me on the Group W bench.”  And while someone’s religious beliefs shouldn’t affect the execution of their public office…can I be frank here?…WHO ARE WE FUCKING KIDDING?  People who believe strongly that some wacko polytheistic death cult (or, for inclusiveness’ sake, monotheistic cults as well) is the answer to life, the universe, and everything are going to shove it down our throats.  That’s their history, that’s their present, that’s their future.  If they are counting on some greenfieldscandyeverydaybazillionvirgins afterlife, they’re going to feel free to fuck up the real life that is here and now.

And I’m not sure who is more dangerous, the ones who really believe it, or the ones who, deep in their “soul” know it’s bullshit and have to work extra hard to show their friends how much they love some imaginary extra-terrestrial goat-fucker.

I bring this up because the latest Republican goat-fucker to get caught fucking goats (or in this case, an Argentinian), well, it turns out he belongs to a cult-within-a-cult.  He’s a member of “The Fellowship”, which also goes by the name, “The Family” (hmmm, where have we heard that name before?) Who are these people?

Well, for one thing, they sponsor the annual Circle Jerk National Prayer Breakfast which every president must attend and address lest he be thought to be a closet Jew homosexual atheist. Apparently, the Family also owns a house in DC commonly called “C Street” which hosts faithful politicians when they wish to pray, sleep, confess, and what-not.

Lest you think that the Republicans have cornered the theocracy market, scientist Francis Collins and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton are also believed to be frequent participants in Fellowship activity.  Still, the GOP pretty much loves all that religious stuff and I’m sure they think “democrat” “believers” are either about to become Republicans or headed straight for Hell.

So why am I making such a big deal?  Author Jeff Sharlet has done extensive research and written a book which, if true (and there seems little reason to doubt it) reveals a conspiracy-theorist’s nocturnal emission.  Hey, did you think Jews secretly ruled the world?  BUZZ!  It turns out its the Fundies:

SHARLET: The goal is an “invisible” world organization led by Christ — that’s what they aspire to. They are very explicit about this if you look in their documents, and I spent a lot of time researching in their archives. Their goal is a worldwide invisible organization. That’s their word, and that’s important because it sounds so crazy.

What they mean when they say “a world organization led by Christ” is that literally you just sit there and let Christ tell you what to do. More often than not that leads them to a sort of paternalistic benign fascism. There are a lot of places that they’ve done good things, and that’s important to acknowledge. But that also means they might be involved with General Suharto in Indonesia and if that means that God leads him to kill half a million of his own citizens then, well, it would prideful to question God leading them.

The problem with these ass clowns is not their prayer meetings or their book clubs; it’s their “calling”.  These folks really believe that God is calling them to do things.  How do they know what these things are?  Obviously, a person tells them, since God isn’t saying anything.  They are, at best, a sleeper cell available for activation by anyone who they feel legitimately interprets God’s wishes.

Currently, God’s wishes almost always involve hating teh ghey (unless you’re a congressman or a minister), controlling teh wimminz and their sex-a-liciousness that lures Good Men into half-way-round-the-world affairs, and making the country, as a whole, more Jeezus-y.

Theocracy is a really bad idea.  If our leaders are going to let their private religious beliefs influence policy, they really should think about getting themselves a country that’s more explicitly Goddish and filled with slavish followers–you know, like Iran or Utah.  Then they can fuck goat’s* to their hearts’ content, and leave the rest of us alone.

*Not that there’s anything wrong with that.


16 Responses to “Guest Post By MonkeyPox On Depraved Right-Wing Religious Fuckwads”

  1. bikemonkey Says:

    These scary elitist douchnozzles apparently revere King David because he schtupped some underling, killing her husband to do so, and this was all evidence of how he was chosen by God for GreatThings!!!!

    Is it anyfuckingwonder Gov Sanford and Sen Ensign let their willies get the best of the better judgment?

    “It’s okay!, It’s ALL okay because your success proves that this is just exactly the way God intended it!”

    Great gig if you can get it.

  2. Lemur Says:

    Um, actually, fucking goats is NOT okay. Animals can’t give or withold consent, and therefore fucking them is Not Nice.
    However I concede that i’d much prefer that these creepy godbags spend their time engaging in any kind of zoophilia than they what they’re currently doing, which is TAKE OVER THE WORLD OH NOES!

    …I don’t know, I’m fucking tired. Of this shit, and in general. Sorry.

  3. bioephemera Says:

    apparently the rent in the “C Street” boarding house two blocks from the Capitol is $600/month. Because, you know, members of Congress deserve to pay half what their staff or interns pay in rent. That’s fair, right?

  4. Word.

    Who wants to fuck goats, anyway?

  5. MonkeyPox Says:

    Who wants to fuck goats, anyway? one, of course. Right?? I mean, who would wanna do something like that? With a goat? I mean, ew, right? Ammirite?

    Not me, that’s for sure. Nope.

  6. bikemonkey Says:

    God’s will, bioephemera. Who are mere staffers and interns to question such matters?

  7. pinus Says:

    Word on the street is that Collins is going to be the next director of NIH….

  8. bikemonkey Says:

    Damn! Is that mofo in this creepy ass subversive organization too?

  9. Catharine Says:

    You are so right. It’s scary. Really fucking scary. I look forward to the day when politicians are embarrassed to admit they believe in god and having sex is normal enough not to make headlines. I know, I know, marriage, monogamy — that’s all really nice stuff. Congratulations to everyone who has a perfect marriage and sex life.

    About being an atheist at work: My coworkers are 99.5% Christian (nurse in the South). I, the Jew-atheist, am the .5 — you cannot imagine how oppressive it is not to be able to have an honest conversation with anyone about anything substantial, ever. Being honest is extremely risky if you don’t conform to the prevailing “moral standards.” I once witnessed a nurse offer to pray with a not particularly religious but highly distraught family. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to backslap the stupid bitch. Although I don’t see this happen often, this sort of thing is considered acceptable. Un-fucking-believable!

    Sex with goats? Well, I’m not personally a fan and I hope that the men I love aren’t that weird BUT I’d be much happier if pervs had sex with goats instead of little girls.

  10. scribbler50 Says:

    And a Sean Hannity backs up these assholes by saying over and over, “The founding fathers intended us to be a Christian nation.”

  11. […] 2, 2009 Some mofo named “MonkeyPox” over at Comrade PhysioProf wrote a screed against a nasty little conspiracy called “The Family” or “The Fellowship”. […]

  12. Absurdist Says:

    Well this IS pretty much what every Christian is supposed to believe; that God/Jesus/HolyGhost is supreme leader and we’re all moving towards His eternal reign. It shouldn’t really be all that marginalized. You shouldn’t have to uncover this as a “secret”. It’s scripture, Christianity 101. Also see Islam, etc.

    Of course most Christians, Muslims, Jews etc. are of the “cafeteria-type”, i.e. not real adherents to their faiths. Pick-and-choose (kinda like the rest of us moral relativists!). This only serves to radicalize the true believers, who are trying to influence their own backsliding members as much as the rest of us true heathens.

  13. Space Prof Says:

    A great book refuting the “Christian Nation” myth is Brooke Allen’s “Moral Minority” (

    Check it out!

  14. Anonymous Says:


  15. Actually there is something wrong with that: a plural noun in English does not have an apostrophe.

  16. Crazy89 Says:

    The cream white interior is always great. ,

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