(1) Make up your motherfucking mind about what motherfucking drink you want during the five minutes you have been waiting in the motherfucking line, not after you reach the head of the line and the motherfucking barista asks you what the fuck you want.

(2) Put away the motherfucking cell phone while you engage in your transaction with the motherfucking barista, as opposed to reaching the head of the line, being asked by the motherfucking barista what the fuck you want, and telling her to please wait a second and then proceeding to continue your motherfucking cell phone conversation about how cute your stupid motherfucking spawn who just started first motherfucking grade is while the rest of the poor fucks in line stand there like motherfucking idiots.

One Month!?

September 21, 2009

According to a report on CNN someone named Khloe Kardashian of whom I have never before heard is marrying NBA basketball player Lamar Odom on Sunday:

The reality star plans to marry her NBA player beau Lamar Odom on Sunday in the Los Angeles, California, area, sources confirm to People magazine.

* * *

The couple have been dating for only about a month, but their whirlwind romance is going well.

“They’re very, very happy,” older sister Kim told People this month. “Khloe thinks he’s amazing and makes her laugh and smile constantly.”

I tend to be a pretty optimistic person, but getting married after dating for one motherfucking month sounds like a really bad fucking idea, even if the romance is “going well”.

Why the fuck is Obama involving himself in the New York governor’s race?

Our favorite bartender blogger, Scribbler, is definitely going straight to heaven!

For years, I have been amused by computer illiterate morons coming to tech support forums and whining about how “my Internet is broken!” or “my Adobe won’t work!” or “when I click on my Internet, nothing happens!” I could never quite put my finger on what felt so meaningful about this completely ridiculous usage of “my” in the context of entities that are vast in scope, and have only an infinitesimal relationship to the person referring to them with “my”.

Recently, I have noticed the same usage of “my” by sick-fuck degenerate wingnuts in more important contexts: “I want my country back!” and “don’t mess with my Medicare!” And then it hit me.

These people conceive of vast entities like a nation of ~300 million people and a health-care provision system of massive scope as “mine”, because they are emotional, moral, and intellectual imbeciles. They can’t even conceive of the fact that they exist in an infinite universe of objective reality that is 100% totally fucking indifferent to their own greedy, self-absorbed desires. They are grown adults with the intellectual, emotional, and moral capacity of four-year-olds, and their language reflects it.

Instead of allowing our national political discourse to revolve around the antics of four-year olds, we should spank their asses and send them to their fucking room without dinner.


September 13, 2009

It’s motherfucking FOOTBALL SEASON!!!!!!!!!11!1!11!!111!!

Wacked-out greedy selfish wingnut fuckup pigs, 60,000-70,000:

Thousands of conservative protesters from across the country converged on the Capitol Saturday morning to demonstrate against President Obama’s proposals for health care reform and voicing opposition to big government, what they say is over-the-top spending.

Carrying signs depicting President Obama as Adolf Hitler and the Joker, and chanting slogans such as “‘No big government” and “Obamacare makes me sick,” approximately 60,000 to 70,000 people flooded Pennsylvania Ave, according to the Washington DC Fire Department.

Decent human beings who care about women’s bodily and personal autonomy,~1,000,000:

Hundreds of thousands of activists from the US and some 60 other countries have rallied in Washington in support of abortion rights.

Organisers of the March for Women’s Lives say women’s reproductive rights have never been so threatened, nor has their health faced such peril.

Pro-life activists, who equate abortion with murder, also rallied in Washington but were vastly outnumbered.

Abortion is one of the most divisive and emotive issues in US politics.

The event was the first large-scale abortion rights demonstration in Washington since 1992, the New York Times reports.

Reports on the size of the crowd vary, but police sources informally estimated it at between 500,000 and 800,000 according to AP, while organisers put it at 1.15 million, AFP reports.

Decent human beings concerned with wars of aggression, hundreds of thousands:

The march comes after several large Iraq war protests, which date to before the March 2003 invasion. One of the biggest was held Sept. 25, 2005, and was billed as the largest since the war’s start. Organizers at the time claimed a turnout of 300,000, while police pegged the number at about half that.

Cagan declined yesterday to predict a Saturday turnout. “We learned a long time ago not to put out numbers,” she said. “There are many variables, especially in the winter.”

An anti-war protest described as the largest since the Vietnam War drew several hundred thousand Jan. 18, 2003, on the eve of the Iraq war, in subfreezing Washington weather. The high temperature reported that day was in the mid-20s.


HIP HIP JORGE!!!!!!!!!!

September 9, 2009

WOO MOTHERFUCKING HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Athletic Beauty (UPDATED)

September 9, 2009

Derek Jeter just tied Lou Gherig’s record for most hits as a NY Yankee.

UPDATE: Someone who was at the game sent me this picture: