Jeezus Fucke, Juste Fucken Shoote Me

September 9, 2010

Who the fucke is the Dave Matthews Band, and why the fucken fucke do they sucke asse so fucken badde? Do people actually pay money to listen this fucken swille? It sounds like a cross between Al Jarraeu and Huey Lewis on fucken ludes.

UPDATE: Oh, my fucke godde!!!! I didn’t it was possible for anything to be worse than thatte firste fucken song, but this one is like infinity times worse: like a cross between Rush and Lynyd Sknynyrd tripping on the brown acid.

UPDATE II: Nooooooo! Now they are trying to be New Orleans funkie and Talking Heads funkie, and they sound like all the fucken dudes who got shitcanned from every fucken bar mitzvah band on Long Island for sucking too bad got together to form a fucken band of their own.

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12 Responses to “Jeezus Fucke, Juste Fucken Shoote Me”


  1. They sound way better when you’re high. Jus’ sayin’. This may account for the fact that at any given DMB concert you don’t even need your own weed – the secondhand smoke is more than sufficient. I think that they even have a song about this.


  2. The thought of listening to that horrifying shitte while high is enough to turn even the most hardened pothead off the fucken weede. Those fucken assholes aren’t even in fucken tune, and they have about as much fucken natural sense of rhythms as my grandmother, and she’s fucken dead. I can’t believe people actually listen to that abject garbage by choice.

  3. biochembelle Says:

    What the fucke is up with all the ye Olde English profanity?

    On another note, I’ve never grasped the love of DMB, despite their popularity amongst my contemporaries.

  4. jc Says:

    Diyd someoune fucken shoote yoo yette?
    *bange bange*

  5. CoR Says:

    Yeah, that was over the toppe.

  6. brian Says:

    Dude, you’re better off doing it “2”


  7. I fucken love the Dave Matthews Bande. Maybe not the beste job last nighte, but I love acoustic style.

  8. Nat Says:

    This reminds me of a horrible conversational interloper I ran into at a barre in Grande Central Station. Dude proceedeth to tell us about the parties at his fraternitee at Duke, “including a guy maybe you’ve heard of….Dave Mathews?” *wink wink*

    After that he tolde us how “many people don’t realize how technically difficult metal is to play”. Did I mention I was wearing an Ironne Maiden shirt, whilst my brotherre was wearing a Judas Priest shirt?

    Gott, I’m getting pissed offe just remembering it.

    But yeath, Dave Matthews mostly blowwes.

  9. queenrandom Says:

    I found them mildly annoying when they first appeared, then I wanted to kick Dave Matthews in the face the day I heard the lyric “hike up you skirt…and show your world to me.” Yes, Dave Matthews, my entire WORLD is between my legs. Asshole.

  10. becca Says:

    1) dude, he’s a fucking QUAKER. Whatever else their virtues, quakers do not rock. I had a vague-positive association with Dave Mathews Band- it’s the kind of music they play in the background in college coffee shops. Not objectionable. But… to actually *listen* to? Not enough weed in the world.
    2) @queenrandom I thought it was show THE world to me? *googles* AH! first THE then YOUR. In other words, Dave MATHEWS entire world is between your legs.

  11. Dr. O Says:

    Maybe I’m too young or silly or something, but I fell in love with DMB in high school and still love them 15 years later. Ye Olde English doth cracke me up, though.

  12. Brian Says:

    Becca, I love your profanity


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