Fuck The iPad And The Ridiculous Douchebags Lining Up To Buy One

April 3, 2010

Who the fuck are these ridiculous douchebags lining up for days to get a motherfucking iPad? Get a fucking grip on yourself asswipe: it’s not going to “change everything”. All it is is a small overpriced touchscreen laptop with no fucking keyboard.

77 Responses to “Fuck The iPad And The Ridiculous Douchebags Lining Up To Buy One”

  1. Eder Says:

    I totally agree fuck them all.

  2. Dr Becca Says:

    All it is is a small overpriced touchscreen laptop with no fucking keyboard.

    Or conversely, a giant iPhone that doesn’t make calls. No thanks!! I like Colbert’s use–salsa maker!

  3. Monk Says:

    Fuck the lot of them

  4. Danny Says:

    Its a tech fan/Apple fan thing. Some people just get all weak in the knees when new tech comes out and there are pretty condescending Apple fans out there

  5. casey Says:

    $Apple fan thing only, a true tech fan should see it as the over priced feature lacking waste that it is.¢

  6. WTF?STFU! Says:


  7. Kain Says:

    The Ipad is nothing more than a bloated Iphone that cannot even make a call. Regardless of it’s 3g data access. It has no voice communication abilities at all. Seeing as it uses an ARM processor its pretty screwed for multi-tasking, as in it does’nt. I don’t know about you but my PC’s have been multitasking since I had a 486, living without it now seems impossioble to me. Science forbid you run out of space; 64-gigs isnt shit, cause you will have no ability to upgrade. I can fill 64gigs in 20mins with the media I have and keep going. It says it does 720p high def. I dont see how this is possible with a native resolution of 1024×768. I could be wrong but was under the impression that tru 720p required a res of at least 1280×720 to be tru high def. Most devices in this range operate at 1366×768. Im not into psuedo def. A total lack of input/output ports and perhiperials makes this thing a 1 pound piece of shit. Why did apple stack memory in this thing using 2 small chips save the 1 big one. It cant be to help access time thats for sure. Finally, why the bluetooth, aside from headphones or WAY overpriced keyboard its absolutly worthless. Anyone interested should look to the New Lenovo Hybrid pads or the HP slate both should be out later this year with features abound. Yes you can be a huge tech fan without going proprietary or wasting huge amounts of money, I’m living proof. This device will outlive its usefullness in short amount of time.

    Anyone who waited or paid money for the Ipad was nothing but an Ifool…..

  8. Ch Says:


  9. jojo Says:

    I’m just bitter because I wanted a fucking tablet Macbook! But all they offer me is a fucking giant IPod?! Fuck you I have an IPod and it’s the appropriate size already1

  10. skeptifem Says:

    Omg, I cannot wait for the ipad mini to come out!!! I heard you will even be able to make phone calls with it.

    Anyway, the garbage from tech junk is seriously some bad shit. I was reading a national geographic that talked about the rare metals mining that is needed for shit like phones and computers. The people doing the mining aren’t treated very nicely. They showed some families in India who collect old electronics and melt down metal parts to resell for money, but they are doing in cooking pots and poisoning themselves. People replace their phones/gaming consoles/computers wayyyyyy too often. I had no idea how bad this kind of stuff is, I guess the problems are somewhat new.

    Why the fuck does every news channel have a ‘story’ about this thing?

  11. smmo Says:

    At this point I’m pretty resigned to the Apple fans get all excited about the shiny new thing/haterz get all excited about hatin’ cycle. Everybody gets what they came for, right? The Mac/PC wars aren’t over yet?

  12. microfool Says:

    Did the iPhone change anything?

  13. BikeMonkey Says:

    the iPhone changed everyfuckingthing dood!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. Physiogroupie IV Says:

    Go to an Apple Store and try it out. Then make a statement!

  15. microfool Says:

    My question was aimed at calibrating “change everything”.

    On one hand, the iPod has changed forever our relationship with music, the iPhone is changing our relationship to information sources and communication, and the iPad might change how we _work_ with information. All of these are examples of beautiful design of human computer interaction.

    On the other hand, perhaps these are all just electronic and improved forms of thumb-twiddling.

    The Zune would not have existed without the iPod, and the Nexus One/Droid/Palm Pre would not of existed without the iPhone. Hopefully, the example of the iPad will inspire a well-designed and successful competitor.

  16. Dveduu Says:

    blackberry > iphone

  17. Morley Says:

    What “tech fan” would pay that much money for a pitifully limited machine? Indeed, what “tech fan” would buy any Apple product? Take the 15 inch Macbook Pro … it starts at $1699, and has an outdated processor, outdated graphics card, and a hard drive the size of those that come on netbooks. What tech savvy person could possibly think any of these products are worth the money?

  18. skeptifem Says:

    “the Nexus One/Droid/Palm Pre would not of existed without the iPhone.”

    wtf, are you kidding me? I have a second hand phone that beats the shit out of the iphone, and its from two years before the iphone was released. If you mean that these things wouldn’t exist as a popular culture must have kind of item without the fucking marketing the apple provides, then yes, you are right, but it is nothing to praise anyone for. I got my first mp3 player as a gift in 1999. Creative labs lead the way with mp3 players and made some damn good ones for a lot less than ipods. The only thing that apple has inspired with their shit is useless demand, which means more companies will churn out more sub par products while spending all their money on marketing. Who can blame them? People are so fucking stupid that it actually works. Apple is marketing, that is literally all they have going for them. I know a shit ton of people my age too fucking stupid to research anything (like when they type complete questions into google regularly), and they all do it from their iphones at work. This is the kind of idiocy that bing and KGB are trying to profit off of. People who are comfortable using a computer, but have no idea how to get anything out of it.

    Oh, and hey, you know what happens when *everyone* buys an iphone? Old as people take pictures of their shit and shop it around to every health care professional they come in contact with (including me), asking my professional opinion about the whitish object in said shit being a worm or not. Fuck iphones.

  19. piss off Says:

    thank you, well said.

  20. piss off Says:

    fucking right

  21. piss off Says:

    check out the ” sonys’ new piece of shit thing” bit on the onion, very appropriate for the mindset of these fucking morons1!!!

  22. LOL Says:

    Hahaha the last paragraph made my day. fuck apple \m/

  23. microfool Says:

    Old as people take pictures of their shit and shop it around to every health care professional they come in contact with (including me), asking my professional opinion about the whitish object in said shit being a worm or not.

    This was not a problem with camera phones in general?

    “the Nexus One/Droid/Palm Pre would not [have] existed without the iPhone.”

    wtf, are you kidding me? I have a second hand phone that beats the shit out of the iphone, and its from two years before the iphone was released.

    Did it run arbitrary software applications from a library of thousands of such applications? Could those applications made available on the phone without carrier approval? Did your phone maker provide regular software updates that added features to the phone? For the phones listed (+Palm Pre) the answers are generally yes. Prior to the iPhone, I believe the answers were generally no (except for things like the Treo.)

    Apple is marketing, that is literally all they have going for them.

    Literally? IMHO, the iPhone marketing shows people exactly what the iPhone does, the exact user interface, generally in real time. What other phone marketing does that? See Nokia’s recent N97 turd: http://www.mobileinc.co.uk/2010/03/nokia-n97-promotional-video-vs-real-life/

  24. fuck all ipad douchebags Says:

    @smmo: The iPad IS NOT a Mac fuckface. There’s nothing Mac about the iPad. And fuck the iPhone. It didn’t change a fucking thing, except for douchebag minded people’s minds. I can still make phone calls and send text messages with my good old WinMo phone. If anything, WinMo phones changed everything. And they were here first. So fuck off. Macs are for stupid people that don’t want to learn anything. My fucking goodness, when I installed Leopard and unchecked the printer driver box during install, it freed up 1.8 GB of space. WTF??? Are you kidding me? Is this what ‘makes’ an operating system? Not having to install a driver??? Who the fuck on the face of the planet has the need of 1.8 GB worth of printer drivers? BTW, that’s all I’m really hearing about from PC ‘experts’ about Windows 7.

    Bigger isn’t better. BETTER IS BETTER!!!

  25. smmo Says:

    As long as you’re enjoying yourself dear.

  26. smmo Says:

    PS – aren’t any people that line up to buy anything at all on the first day stupid?

  27. smmo Says:

    PPS, f.a.t.i.d.’s post is all the evidence anyone will ever need that computer obsessives are A. obsessive, B. boring as fuck, C. hostile (possibly due to A. and B.) and D. need to take a nice walk or something.

  28. Synapse2010 Says:

    You are all a bunch of dicks. The iPAD rocks man. Anything from Apple rocks. I may buy two of them; one for home and then another for work. I may buy a third for when I travel around too. Apple rule. The iPad is a revolution and is going to allow me to do everything and anything I could do on my iPhone and Windows machine and mac. Its going to be great for business productivity too. Thanks Steve and all you cool guys at Apple; you guys really rock! Take no notice of the wankers on this site that are just bitter that they cant afford an iPad. If they got a real job and out from behind their shitty PC’s they could make enough money to buy one. I bet if you gave them one for free they would use it; dumb-ass turd burgers.

  29. Synapse2010 Says:

    Apple Rocks! iPad Rocks, you all suck! Apple Rocks! iPad Rocks, you all suck! Apple Rocks! iPad Rocks, you all suck! Apple Rocks! iPad Rocks, you all suck! Apple Rocks! iPad Rocks, you all suck! Apple Rocks! iPad Rocks, you all suck! Apple Rocks! iPad Rocks, you all suck! Apple Rocks! iPad Rocks, you all suck! Apple Rocks! iPad Rocks, you all suck! Apple Rocks! iPad Rocks, you all suck! Apple Rocks! iPad Rocks, you all suck!

  30. BikeMonkey Says:

    Using cut and paste is for sure a 1337 skill dude.

  31. Jay Says:

    Thats a rather exaggerated reaction to a product that obviously threatens you for some reason. Are you afraid that it might be good? It costs apple 240 dollars to make the ipad making the price not that bad considering the mark up of most products in the technology market (anything made by dell especially so wile making odd shaped mother boards so you have to buy new parts from them). The ipad is fairly cool, the price isnt that bad at all considering adding the marketing costs etc on top of that, its functionality is mainly for casual browsing, a bit of book reading and some fun, well made user generated content, and yes, most of the content in the app store is infact user generated although vetted to make sure everything works well. End of the day I still dont see another product with same size, functionality and battery life from any other company, and jail breaking will add any features you want if your that way inclined and the add on full keyboard adds other functionality to it. Its like anything, some people will enjoy the product some wont. Peace out.

  32. MooMoo Says:

    First off, this made me roflmao!
    To the Dude above.. it’s still an.. oversized iPhone minus the phone! so it’s a i!!
    Android devices can multi-task, and windows Mobile been around since WAY before the iPhone and IT can multi-task/copy/paste. You try running 2 things at once, and see what the stinkPad will do.
    And to the dude about giving them out for free, yea, I’ll take it apart and re-use the 9″ LCD for something more productive. I’ll leave the casing as a paper weight. 🙂

  33. MooMoo Says:

    Oh wait, it only took them(Apple) 2 years to add the copy+paste function into the iPhone OS! So he’s so excited about the new feature that he has to use it so many times.

  34. MooMoo Says:

    I spent it on something more useful, an i7 CPU + corresponding system parts, and a Nexus One, oh and a HD2, yea?
    About your “they cant afford an iPad” theory?

    It’s called, we’d rather spend it on something worthwhile, and practical.

    Guess what, Apple is releasing a 3G version of the Pad too, you gonna wait on line and pay for that as well? Now, imagine holding that up to your ear for a phone call. No thanks!

  35. MooMoo Says:

    you all forgetting this is a iPad not an iPhone we are talking about here, and also, Did you also forget about WindowsCE? This is what started everything, a Mobile OS, with Touchscreen, originally created by Microsoft and HP I believe.

  36. And it’ll be cheaper later, to boot.

  37. Jay Says:

    The Ipad can in fact multitask it just depends on the app, there are messenger programs that run in the background etc.

  38. veganrampage Says:

    Thought the iPad was a feminine hygiene product and it didn’t work for shit!

  39. Jay Says:

    Na your thinking about dell computers

  40. Anonymous Says:

    well said

  41. shaddap Says:

    not sure if anyone said this yet. i can’t get through the comments… but you can hack an ipad to make calls with it.

  42. Anonymous Says:

    I’ll beat the fuck out of every fucking one of you fucking cock suckers. Every fucking one of you, I promise.

  43. sel Says:

    I bought one, what a waste, wish I could turn back time

  44. Anonymous Says:

    “Revolutionising everything” – and it has no camera. Nice one, Apple. It’s one thing releasing new hardware four times a year because you can’t implement good functionality all in one go; it’s another to call something revolutionary when it lacks some of the most core features in portable computing hardware: right-clicking, multi-browser capability, and cameras.

  45. sephster619 Says:

    fuck the ipad its just a big ipod. waste of fucken money. can’t do shit with it. all apple is doing is ripping idiots off thats don’t know shit.better off buying a laptop people.don’t be a sucker!

  46. apollo Says:

    Another Apple baby is coming…IFUCK2

  47. Espen Slorafoss Says:

    You’re so fucking right. Fucking assholes.

  48. Katharine Says:

    Apple is for morons.

  49. robert Says:

    I like Apple even though Apple is not perfect

  50. Gunit Says:


  51. Gunit Says:

    FYI this was written on my girlfriends macbook. How ironic. Hahaha I’m stupid. hahaha

  52. Gunit Says:

    Yeah she is right, but she should have spelled “macbook” as —-> “shitbook”

  53. Artyom Says:

    It destroyed real smartphones that were useful, leaving the market with iphone and look alike touchscreen pieces of junk that can’t do nearly anything my old Nokia smartphones could do. But I have a beautiful animated icon that shortcuts me to the itunes. I had free programs, nintendo emulator, doom, full dictionary, access to a server, internet, microsoft office, camera, video conferencing. And the iphone at that time couldn’t even mms message or send files via bluetooth, something the retarded 20$ phones can do. Now the mobile phone market is destroyed, I won’t be buying any product until Google and Apple die off. Bunch of glory boys. Ooooooooooo touch screen!!! Animated icon. Eat shit losers.

  54. Artyom Says:


    Ipad is just a oversized piece of shit version of the iphone, so what difference is there…

  55. Art Says:

    Got one for my birthday; was very disappointed. I have tons of ebooks that this crap device does not support (PDF) files. Demands a credit card for everything, whereas Android does not require. It really is a useless bloated iPhone that you will have to jailbreak to make it worthwhile. Apple should give them out for free given the dependency on their products this device demands. Don’t buy it. Waste of money.

  56. Anonymous Says:

    Nice poetry mi friend! 🙂

  57. vercept Says:

    I try to get the album art of the CD’s I purchased and put on my iPod. All I want is to see the fucking pictures from the CDs i bought legitimately, NOT downloaded illegally. I try to do so with iTunes but it tells me I must have an Apple account to do so. I spend several minutes signing up for this shit and then it tells me to enter my credit card number. I go to my car and get my wallet, bring it to my room and enter my computer. After this, fucking iTunes then informs me that it can not give me the album art because I DIDN”T PURCHASE IT FROM iTUNES. No fucking shit, if I had bought them from iTunes, I would already have a fucking account. I buy this stupid fucking iPod and its not even really MINE. Apple controls everything about it. Then I go to the gym and to Chipoltle to eat lunch and recover from my angering experience from Apple, I get there and I DON’T HAVE MY FUCKING WALLET. Its in my house by my computer. Once again Apple has fucked up my day. Everything they do is the bane of my existence. The only way they can benefit you is if you become a total fucking yuppie and use nothing but their products. God forbid they give me a fucking picture for MY music that I purchased. They control the lives of those who use their products. I buy a stupid fucking iPod that isn’t even really mine. I might as well have bout an iPod shuffle since I can’t even have my fucking album art. And why the fuck do iPods have video cameras? When and why would I ever take a video with my music player. If I’m using my music player, guess what I’m listening to fucking music. The only time I even use my iPod is when I’m exercising so what the fuck am i going to video tape with it? why don’t they put a Bluetooth in it so i can fucking put music on it without having to plug it in? That would be fucking useful. When the fuck are you going to carry your cock-sucking iPod with you where you are not using it for music purposes and decide you need to take a fucking video. I mean, what kind of stupid fucking retarded company puts an antenna on the outside of their fucking phone so when you talk on it and cover it with your hand, you lose service. Apple markets pure bullshit to dumb fucking brain-dead yuppies who masturbate with them. They are all Angry Birds players, Farmvillers, people who think their cool and sit in Starbucks all day. They don’t realize how much they are getting bullshitted by apple. they are buying and paying a lot of money for bullshit. They are getting marketed something that is total bullshit. they aren’t smart enough to think outside of the box. Apple says this is the best, so they buy it. God forbid you enter Starbucks with a fucking Samsung. Shut the fuck up. I don’t go to Starbucks anyways. Thats just as bad as Apple. Tea that costs a dime sells for five fucking dollars. Its wrapped up nicely with a lot of marketing and everyone thinks its better than other coffee. Its the same fucking coffee beans picked buy the same fucking beaners but you can sit on a couch and pay $4 for it. A cup of coffee barely costs a dime to make. Starbucks screws over the poor fucking Columbians who pick the coffee and cant even afford to buy their kids underwear, and Starbucks makes %400 profit on those beans. The worst part of Apple is Steve Jobs. He’s the most arrogant smarmy self-righteous idiot. He is the Hitler of technical companies. I wouldn’t be surprised if Steve Jobs was on some sort of amphetamine that makes him fucking insane. Apple could be a great company if it weren’t for Steve Jobs ruining the experience of the customers because he thinks he’s smarter than the people buying the products. He should give them some more credit.

  58. Sam Says:

    Fuck you iPad 2! Already?!?!? JFC!

  59. JLK Says:

    I swear, you’re the only blogger I know who can get 58 comments on a 3-sentence blog post. lol

  60. hellfire Says:

    wel fuck u then wimp, u obviously got no life just complaining on stuff, u dont like it then piss off idiot

  61. JoKeR Says:

    To the O.P. if you have hate in your heart, let it out! When people line up for the newest piece of monkey crap, someone should let a dog loose to corral those mindless sheep. They know damn well if they waited a couple of months the price would go down or if they waited another year an upgraded, somewhat useful version of monkeycrap would come out. But the marketing lures them in like moths to a flame and get burned on the price. Starbucks. I admit they make tasty stuff but again mindless sheep line up every day to spend their hard earned money on liquid monkey shit that you can make at home for close to nothing and has competitors that charge half the price. I’m not socialist but if Starfucks was government owned, the deficit would paid in 10 years and probably have mindless sheeple drinking Starbucks with Ipads surgically wired to their cerebral cortex!

  62. Hat Says:

    I hate my ipad – just like a pad; it fucking stinks, is in the way and there are better products out there (right?, itampon…)

    p.s. This is being typed on my piece of shit iPad!, which fucking capitalizes the p every fucking time, it doesn’t even recognize it’s own name!!!

  63. Hat Says:

    Oops I am the tard – the p is capitalIzed! I still hate the piece of iShit!

  64. beatrice Says:

    Shit! Bloody iphone, cell phone is letting me off the hook when I most needed. Facky you iphone, cell phone !!!!. Hate it!

  65. David Says:

    You are all so funny Apple products are over priced over hyped and barely functional but apple fanboys will buy them just to say they did. It reminds me of the old PT Barnum con where he tells people that there is something fantastic inside a trunk in a darkened room. They pay two bits to see it only to find out that it is an empty box so now they are in on the joke and they go out and try to get other people to put down their hard earned coins to see something that doesn’t exist. Apple fanboys yelp the loudest because they have paid way to much and they don’t want anyone to know they got ripped even themselves.

  66. Apple, don’t get me started just don’t get me started!!

    Well Jobs is dead, DEAD!!! And he deserved every molecule of cancer that ate him away because he sold out, sold out first to Microshit and then to the modern consumerist ideologue of producing crap products that last 2 years at best. May he ROTT IN HELL!!!
    If you want a phone buy a Nokia, or perhaps the new Motorola Atrix. Buy a spyphone and you take your own dignity and roll it in human excrement. But hey, the world is full of turds, turds eating their own shit for breakfast and their own vomit for lunch.

    The advertising tells them an eyephone is the best and like good little lemmings they walk off the cliff. We need a nuclear war, a REALLY BIG one to purge this planet of all the useless eaters, all the parasites. The bankers, the used house salespeople, the lawyers and accountants and fingernail buffers and dog-washers and advertising men and every other lowlife useless piece of dog-shit that sucks up the productive wealth of our nation and gives back nothing but useless services. Jobs is dead, ROTT IN HELL STEVE!!!!!

  67. Larry Says:

    we find the thing about half as functional as any pc or lap top
    more often than not it frustrates
    RECENTLY IT TOOK 4 HOURS TO ATTEMPT TO TRANSFER 3 BOOKS FROM A yPod to the iPad. It didnt happean. next morning they were not there. Yet some hours later it was. We are not sure what happeaned. This lack of freedom to get into its guts is a pain.
    as it was bought for someones birthday and she needed a small device, we did not sell it in the first hour, or smash it to bits, or insert it into anything looking remotely like an Apple Acolyte.
    You can hardly ever go to where you want, see what you want, do what YOU WANT on it.
    Its an awful piece of exploitation.

  68. Ben Says:


    Screw this, i’m going for a hike.

  69. slitherama Says:

    exactly! Fuck them brutally in the pale, vegan meat of their ass!

  70. Brian Says:

    HERE HERE, gas the stupid fucks

  71. Anonymous Says:

    overflow:hidden does not work on iOS. divs do not render correctly on iOS, metrics are all over the fucking shop on iOS…iOS IS A FUCKING RETARDED PIECE OF SHITCUNTERY

  72. Anonymous Says:

    Just got my first ipad and I have say it is a huge waist of money and am returning it tomorrow. Fuck apple and there shit apps that other cost money or just simply don’t work.

  73. Anonymous Says:

    Apple sucks fuck all their products Steve jobs blows

  74. Jim Says:

    I agree. I just call it all I-Shit. I have found that 100percent of the time that you need this shit to access something it cannot. The touch screen keyboard is worse than a piece of shit. It is almost useless and causes more frustration than usability. Fuck apple and all this shit. I want my blackberry back.


  75. Anonymous Says:

    Why does everyone have a dirty mouth

  76. Anonymous Says:

    Are u fucking kidding me…….

  77. Anonymous Says:


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